Saturday, October 28, 2006

it's been a fucked up week. period. i don't know what i'm doing. i don't know what i want. i'm dreading school each day. nonetheless, i'm glad that there're nice people like sze ying, terence and gloria around in school. but for the 949274591641th times i'm saying this, it's just so damn freaking stressful lah. life's so screwed in ntu, it causes me to miss mj and ccs even more.

you're so sweet yet vulnerable. i wanna reach out to you and be that one person whom you could trust. yet deep down, i know i'm incapable of doing that. i want to show you that it exists but ironically, a part of me seems to have given up on it some time ago. i wanna make this better for you but it seems like i've lost that feeling. this is something i've never wanted to admit but perhaps it's the past that's hindering me from moving on. i feel inhuman, like an empty soul wandering about aimlessly in life.

listening to this song, it brings back painful memories.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

hellooo! am back from bbq with adebao, sg, bamboo, teong teong, qingrui, kc, linus, yihan, justin, gabe! the food was great but no hotdogs
haha.

it feels great being able to cast aside all the overwhelming stress for some time and meet up with old friends. but good things don't last, it's back to mugging soon. it's not like i detest studying. in fact, i'm enjoying school life. it's a million times better than going out to work. but sometimes i can't help but muse over why the never-ending studying? why get yourself so stressed up and unhappy?

and apparently terence feels this way too. that explains his melancholic self for the past few days. sigh. what is life all about?

when someone has been sms-ing you for the past few months and you don't reply, thats a very BIG hint right? Even more so if you perpetually ignore the fella on msn right? Get the hint, dude.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

because i'll never wanna hurt you.


i didn't expect this to happen.
i'm contented with the way things are presently.
and secretly, i wish it would remain like this.
yet part of me wanted something more significant.
now that it has been fulfilled, something's holding me back.
no doubt it's fear.
but it seems like i'm a tad reluctant to forsake my "freedom" too.

it then amazed me about how much i used to like you.
it was till the extent that i really wanted you and was willing to give everything a go even though i was scared.
then again, that's the past already.

i don't know if i'm ready.
sigh.
but you're definitely the last person i'd wanna hurt.

i've no idea what's wrong with terence now.
he just got himself drunk cuz he's so sad.
sigh.
if only there isn't any sorrows in this world.

and i don't know what's with the chem & biochem students of spms.
always asking why they've to take this current math module they're taking now.
how the heck would i know.
and you guys dont have to rant about how frigging difficult discrete math is and quit asking how i'm surviving with my course!
whats wrong with these people.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

charlie accompanied me throughout the 3 hours lecture on wednesday!
the corny part was, he was the one paying explicit attention while i was dozing off for the first 2 hours.
and he kept saying that the lecture was interesting.
of course lah!
it was conducted by my favourite profs.
really.
and it was his turn to psycho me in joining him for his 3 hours lecture at SIM on thursday at 930am!
-__-

thursday was the joint hall dinner.
the turn out was pathetic.
and i totally couldn't see the point in having such an event.
anyway we slacked at von's and pl's room till about 1am plus and then at our room till about 3.
yf also stayed over that night!
hahaha.
but it was hell yesterday.
i was like a walking zombie the entire day.

exams are in bout less than a month's time!
save me :(

staying in hall could be fun.
but if people are talking behind your back (and obviously about stuff that aren't positive) your reputation would be tanished.
and it's not like only the people whom you know are doing that.
because these negative stuff spread like wildfire.
even people like us who dont know that person personally get "updated".
it's not like the things this particular person's doing is affecting me in any way.
but it's like you're starting to "disrespect" the person.
cuz i can't believe this is actually happening.

yeah you're a mystery.
i still don't know how much of you i can really trust.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

was supposed to study just now during the 3 hours break i'd before french tutorial.
ended up talking to ryan... about relationships.
weird eh.
i can't believe it either.
he's this super lame guy who seldom portrays the serious part of him.
and surprisingly, he enlightened me about something.

apparently, he broke up with his first girlfriend 4 years ago.
they were together for about 2 years.
he said he was over her yet i was taken aback when he said he would still go for her if there's a chance in future.
and if he's with a new girl and meets his first ex, most probably he'd leave the current girl for his first ex.
so it's been 6 years since he first fell for her.
once you're in love with this person, you'll always love.
either that or, due to unforseen circumstances when you're forced to go your own separate ways, a part of you would always be with that person.
it's like a part of you has been taken away by the person and he/she will always remain somewhere in your heart even if you guys are, technically out of each others' lives.

i guess that's true.

so, i went to econs lecture without notes today.
spent the whole of the lecture talking.
blah.
so lost.

oh yes!
i passed all my 3 mid term tests so far!
HEHE.
including french okay!!!
muhaha.

and i'll be able to meet you guys on monday already!
YAY.

and i'm going out of school tomorrow morning!

and hopefully charlie comes to ntu tomorrow.
hahahaha.
i miss my cousin!
=)

and i'm supposed to study now which i don't think i will because i'm in this superrrr slack mood now
BYEBYE.

if you want me to, i will.
cuz i want to.

Monday, October 16, 2006

What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends
And I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words
That I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do

it brings back past memories.
i can totally relate to this song.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

er this was taken 2 weeks ago i think. during the mass jog at 12am. vincent, me and eldine looking spastic.

wanted to upload more photos but they're all in my laptop so... later! haha.

oh yes i forgot to mention something very important!
i donated blood on wednesday!
HAHA.
vincent was the one who pulled me along!
but he was the one who couldnt donate in the end cuz he'd fever last week.
i waited super long before the nurse poked the needle in and that wait was mentally torturing.
haha.
shengjie came to "support" me after his lessons.
haha my first time what!
that explains my unnecessary kan-jiong-ness.

anyway the haze hasn't subside and there goes my roller blading!
nevermind shall be a good student and study now.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

yay just got back from yuanfang's birthday dinner at billy's.
having indigestion from the feast earlier on
heh heh.
we spent 2 hours there yakking and laughing!
and on the way back we looked really delirious taking photos in the train together with the cool bag we got for yf!
hahaha.

anyway, it has been a really hectic week.
there were a couple of times when i thought i'd just lose my sanity.
cleared 2 horrendous mid term tests today and one more to go on monday!
had french mids on thursday too.
that's how busy i was!
not forgetting hall 8's mid-autumn festival celebration on thursday which ended at 11pm!
it was fun!
the turn out was unexpected but good.
the hilarious part was the eating competition towards the end!
because denice didn't finish eating the watermelon, it has to be clean as in only the green part is visible, yuting passed over the melon and told clarence to finish it up!
so gross!
and clarence's animated expressions were super funny!
HAHA.

the damn haze is back again!
and i want to go roller blading tomorrow!
nevermind the econ test on monday.
muhahaha.

oh and halls 8, 9, 10 and 11 are having a joint hall dinner on thursday!
and yuanfang's going!
gonna sneak her in!
muhahaha!
staying over thereafter!
nevermind my 830 lesson on friday.
its gonna be so fun!

and i cant wait for the 23rd!
it's gonna be a great week ahead i reckon(=
yay!

have a great weekend guys!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

c++ test is finally over so yay.
but 3 more to go next week.
growls.

spent the afternoon battling with calculus.
the night was spent at chinese garden!
it was really pretty, those lanterns all.
and i actually got a lantern!
to think that i was actually grumbling last night about not having any while everyone was out there having fun.
ok maybe not so with the haze.
speaking of which, it seems that the haze is worsening.
so people, take care okay.
people like vincent has been sick since wednesday.
anyway, it was a splendid night.
in spite of the stress and heavy workload, i'd fun tonight.
thanks (:

i'm fine.
and i guess you're doing well too.
so all's well.
we made the right choice.

Friday, October 06, 2006

sigh.
i should be at the gym now and heading home later in the evening.
but hell no.
i'm hall alone because i've got c++ midterm test tomorrow.
and what made things worst is, i cant go for any mid-autumn festival celebrations!
not that i actually celebrated it in the past but i'm supposed to be in a festive mood, no?
anyway i'm feeling majorly sore about tomorrow's test and having to miss all the fun.
/pouts.

okay im going for a nap now before hitting the books again.
my brain cells are depleting.

my mind's in a swirl.
you're the cause of my confusion.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

it's been a nerve-racking week.
even more so with the lack of sleep.
just got back from a test (finally, 1 down) which i think the average score would be at least 90 upon 100, according to lixiang.
and i was aiming for about 80 lo.
roar.

had block supper yesterday night.
jason sang really well.
his performance was captivating.
but no, i'm not falling head over heels for him.

okay things are getting really weird now between the 2 of them.
and somehow i've become the middle person.
okay nevermind.

so many hall activities this week and the week after.
actually it isn't alot but because i've stuff to do, it's alot to me.
blah.

some people just don't get it, do they?
or do they get a cheap thrill from irritating the hell outta me?
sigh.

what a random entry.
haha.

i think i should do more.
but i dont know how and where to start.

Thoughts

Everytime your love is near
And every time I'm filled with fear
Cuz every time I see your face
Could it be that this will be the one that lasts?
The fear does start to erase every time
Oh could it be that this will be the one that lasts
For all my times

Her

elizabeth; TheRoyal
since 1987
meridian jc. ntu (spms)
ntu hall 8; khalanx
17june
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